I am nusing so bear with me (many of these blogs will be typed while nursin at the keyboard... I will warn every one with a big NAK)
Last night I was haging out with my kids Julianna was drawing, She is a great artist, I wish we lived closer to my mom so she could take classes, Fiona is dancing, she loves to dance and move to music, and she is really good at it, Nolan is on my lap laughing, being happy. I was so in love with them all thinking how lucky I was, when I had this awful thought, What if this is all a dream, What if these three beautiful children I have here are just a dream I am in the middle of having, and when I wake up, that is all this was?
I mean I suppose if I didn't have any of them I wouldn't know the difference and I wouldn't miss them of course, but a dream like that sure would leave a hole or a void in my life.
What else was there to do with that thought other than to give them all a tight hug, and tell them all how much I love them, how lucky I am to have them, and continue to enjoy this time with them, weather it be real or not... I hope with all of my heart I wont wake up one day and this life with my beautiful babies will have been just a dream.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
its that time again
the time to avoid getting my baby baptized as long as I can.
Keith is catholic, but not practicing really, I am an atheist but I do respect everyone's beliefs. Keith always tries to get me to baptize the kids catholic, but that is where I draw the line, too many rules and classes.. stuff I could never follow or take seriously... so we always end up doing episcopal, then we go to the church once, then baptize then never go back.. just to please him, my parents (btw my mom is agnostic but she thinks that the kids will get teased if they aren't baptized.. I think that is silly) his family ect.. I always feel like I'm not being true to myself.
Every time, I say "hey Keith, maybe we shouldn't baptize this one, I mean it's just some water on their head and some words" he always goes "really well I want to do it and catholic this time" so I say ok ok never mind we will do it but not catholic.
then I avoid.. and avoid, and avoid, then my mom starts asking "when are you going to baptize the baby?" I say, eventually, she says "well the other kids are and its getting close to time, he will feel left out" it goes on like this for a while.. trust me with as un-seriously as we take religion around here he will not feel left out lol.
So here I am sitting avoiding this baptism, hoping I can win this time but knowing I won't.
Keith is catholic, but not practicing really, I am an atheist but I do respect everyone's beliefs. Keith always tries to get me to baptize the kids catholic, but that is where I draw the line, too many rules and classes.. stuff I could never follow or take seriously... so we always end up doing episcopal, then we go to the church once, then baptize then never go back.. just to please him, my parents (btw my mom is agnostic but she thinks that the kids will get teased if they aren't baptized.. I think that is silly) his family ect.. I always feel like I'm not being true to myself.
Every time, I say "hey Keith, maybe we shouldn't baptize this one, I mean it's just some water on their head and some words" he always goes "really well I want to do it and catholic this time" so I say ok ok never mind we will do it but not catholic.
then I avoid.. and avoid, and avoid, then my mom starts asking "when are you going to baptize the baby?" I say, eventually, she says "well the other kids are and its getting close to time, he will feel left out" it goes on like this for a while.. trust me with as un-seriously as we take religion around here he will not feel left out lol.
So here I am sitting avoiding this baptism, hoping I can win this time but knowing I won't.
About this My parenting journy
I am the mom of three wonderful children, Julianna is 6 1/2 Fiona is 3 and Nolan is 6 months old.
I grew up in NH, I was working hard to become a ballet dancer, I had trouble in school but worked really hard. I went to collage as a dance major, but was injured one summer, the following November I found myself pregnant with my oldest daughter. I was in a stable serious relationship with her father and we later married and have a lovely life with our three babies.
My parenting journey has evolved, When I found out I was pregnant, there was no way I was going with out an epidural, no way I was breastfeeding.. Julianna arrived after loads of pitocen (after my water broke) and I felt all of one contraction before the epidural. I did try to breastfeed but she had severe silent reflux and it was not working out, and I am sure I did not know enough about it nor did I have the will to do it.
Part of it was my feminist beliefs, I thought that this was the traditional woman role, give natural birth, breastfeed, put the babies well being before my own.. This was just how stereotypical I was.
Once I was a mom for a while I couldn't help but put her needs before my own, I was embarrassed about this at first.. I was selling out.
I originally only wanted her, no other children, she was really high needs, and I never thought I could handle more, but as she neared 2 1/2 I started thinking I didn't want her to be alone. Keith and I tried for 7 months. Finally we found out I was pregnant with Fiona. I would do everything exactly the same.. except this time we saw a midwife, a hospital midwife though. She was a very strong woman, so I liked her, I could tell she was also a feminist.
I remember 3 days before my due date (which had been moved WAY up already) she said "when do you want to have this baby, my second time moms don't go past their due dates in this practice" I thought "hey she is great" at the time. but that night I went into prodromal labor, mistook it for real labor and went and she induced me that day. I had a fight with the nurse when she tried to talk me into breastfeeding. (it was a womans role thing to me back then) Fiona thank goodness arrived perfect and healthy, even after having the pit on as high as they could turn it up. I hemorrhaged but they stopped it and we were both ok.
Fiona was the polar opposite of Julianna, SOOOOOO easy, slept constantly (jules slept in 10 minute intervals till she was 10 months old) ate fine, hardly ever cried, but she was a snuggle bug, and she wanted to cuddle all the time, when she was two months old and trying to clean the house for company and had no way to do it with a baby that wanted to be held, I came across babywearing... I started with a ringsling, (not a good one) then moved on to wraping, I soon ditched the stroller, and my wrap stash grew and grew.. through babywearing there was The babywearer.com
These woman had homebirths, didn't circ their sons breastfed through toddlerhood, coslept, some didn't vaccinate ect ect.. and many were as liberal and had as feminist views as I did. Of course I thought they were a little crazy, but I was intrigued, I started researching, I realized how much better it was to breastfeed, and for as long as possible, how there were studies saying cry it out could be harmful, routine infant circ, was now only for cosmetic and religious reasons and a very painful procedure, I read and found out what was actually in my kids vaccines, and how dangerous pitocen and epidural could be for the baby and how they caused c sections. That homebirth is the best way to avoid pit which causes c sections.
I started thinking "if I could do it all over again" we had started Delaying vaccines with Fiona selectively next thing I knew, I was pregnant again. I sat Keith down and told him "I want to have this baby at home, breastfeed till 2, we are not circing if he is a boy, and selectively delaying vaccines from the start. He was totally on board.. he had been for the most part anyways from when I Started researching, (though the circ thing took some pushing)
aug 3rd, 08 at 41 weeks gestation, I gave birth to my third child, a boy named Nolan, at home in my bedroom in the water, I caught him (all though the midwife had to help a little lol) We left him intact, and I worked VERY hard on his horrible latch for 6 weeks to get a wonderful nursing relationship with him. He is 6 months, and he has never had anything other than breastmilk, from the tap (he wont take a bottle or sippy so far) he is still intact with no infection ever. (so that is a myth, and he is very clean so that dirty thing is a myth too) we cosleep, we wear him, and he is a happy happy baby.
Things have really changed with my parenting, of course there are nay sayers everywhere, but that is ok.. we do what we think is best for them and hope that people will have enough respect to leave it alone.
I grew up in NH, I was working hard to become a ballet dancer, I had trouble in school but worked really hard. I went to collage as a dance major, but was injured one summer, the following November I found myself pregnant with my oldest daughter. I was in a stable serious relationship with her father and we later married and have a lovely life with our three babies.
My parenting journey has evolved, When I found out I was pregnant, there was no way I was going with out an epidural, no way I was breastfeeding.. Julianna arrived after loads of pitocen (after my water broke) and I felt all of one contraction before the epidural. I did try to breastfeed but she had severe silent reflux and it was not working out, and I am sure I did not know enough about it nor did I have the will to do it.
Part of it was my feminist beliefs, I thought that this was the traditional woman role, give natural birth, breastfeed, put the babies well being before my own.. This was just how stereotypical I was.
Once I was a mom for a while I couldn't help but put her needs before my own, I was embarrassed about this at first.. I was selling out.
I originally only wanted her, no other children, she was really high needs, and I never thought I could handle more, but as she neared 2 1/2 I started thinking I didn't want her to be alone. Keith and I tried for 7 months. Finally we found out I was pregnant with Fiona. I would do everything exactly the same.. except this time we saw a midwife, a hospital midwife though. She was a very strong woman, so I liked her, I could tell she was also a feminist.
I remember 3 days before my due date (which had been moved WAY up already) she said "when do you want to have this baby, my second time moms don't go past their due dates in this practice" I thought "hey she is great" at the time. but that night I went into prodromal labor, mistook it for real labor and went and she induced me that day. I had a fight with the nurse when she tried to talk me into breastfeeding. (it was a womans role thing to me back then) Fiona thank goodness arrived perfect and healthy, even after having the pit on as high as they could turn it up. I hemorrhaged but they stopped it and we were both ok.
Fiona was the polar opposite of Julianna, SOOOOOO easy, slept constantly (jules slept in 10 minute intervals till she was 10 months old) ate fine, hardly ever cried, but she was a snuggle bug, and she wanted to cuddle all the time, when she was two months old and trying to clean the house for company and had no way to do it with a baby that wanted to be held, I came across babywearing... I started with a ringsling, (not a good one) then moved on to wraping, I soon ditched the stroller, and my wrap stash grew and grew.. through babywearing there was The babywearer.com
These woman had homebirths, didn't circ their sons breastfed through toddlerhood, coslept, some didn't vaccinate ect ect.. and many were as liberal and had as feminist views as I did. Of course I thought they were a little crazy, but I was intrigued, I started researching, I realized how much better it was to breastfeed, and for as long as possible, how there were studies saying cry it out could be harmful, routine infant circ, was now only for cosmetic and religious reasons and a very painful procedure, I read and found out what was actually in my kids vaccines, and how dangerous pitocen and epidural could be for the baby and how they caused c sections. That homebirth is the best way to avoid pit which causes c sections.
I started thinking "if I could do it all over again" we had started Delaying vaccines with Fiona selectively next thing I knew, I was pregnant again. I sat Keith down and told him "I want to have this baby at home, breastfeed till 2, we are not circing if he is a boy, and selectively delaying vaccines from the start. He was totally on board.. he had been for the most part anyways from when I Started researching, (though the circ thing took some pushing)
aug 3rd, 08 at 41 weeks gestation, I gave birth to my third child, a boy named Nolan, at home in my bedroom in the water, I caught him (all though the midwife had to help a little lol) We left him intact, and I worked VERY hard on his horrible latch for 6 weeks to get a wonderful nursing relationship with him. He is 6 months, and he has never had anything other than breastmilk, from the tap (he wont take a bottle or sippy so far) he is still intact with no infection ever. (so that is a myth, and he is very clean so that dirty thing is a myth too) we cosleep, we wear him, and he is a happy happy baby.
Things have really changed with my parenting, of course there are nay sayers everywhere, but that is ok.. we do what we think is best for them and hope that people will have enough respect to leave it alone.
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